A little bit of something, but not much of much
Good morning … this is me. We don’t have a lot of time today … about an hour except we have to do everything else within that hour. Hmm, did emails. That means we have now less time. I think this is the process where time slips by so fast. I’m thinking we might as well get the shower over too, that way our time is clearer.We’re just 8 minutes away from that anyway. So … brb.
Good good, that’s all done. Everything as expected. We snuggled Rich a moment too and gave him the choice of 6 or 6:30 am. He said 6:30 am was ok. What a giggleberry he is!
Ok … we’re all good, right? It’s 6:10 am now. Ok, stop the time policing, hmm?
We had a doctor’s appointment last night. It wasn’t one of our best. We kind of got knocked out for a bit … I think actually the majority of the meeting we were locked out of ourselves. We had started normally enough, but when Dr. Marvin opened the door to get us we stood up and took a step, but then one of his assistants jumped in front of us and insisted that her questions get answered first. She didn’t acknowledge us or excuse herself or anything … she just barged in. Dr. Marvin took care of whatever her need was, but then by then we were already going down the wrong path.
We seem always to get blown away by stupid moves his staff does. It puts us in a deeper sense of regression. We have a hard time talking and were angry and withdrawn. I think the situation with my mother didn’t help at all. I guess someone had sent Dr. Marvin a copy of the blog entry with a copy of her note and ours. So, I think he must have figured we were going to have a problem.
I’m trying to remember the last thought we had before we slipped totally under. I’m not sure, but I think we were trying to tell him what was happening. I remember him saying something about our feelings.
Going “under” is hard to explain, but I know that when it happens Dr. Marvin is there, but he’s not. We’re sorta processing thoughts on our own, but the level is very regressed. We are like in a cocoon. I don’t think he talked to us while we were there. He let it run it’s course. When we came out of it, we remember saying that we were in a negative place. Somehow we let him know though maybe not real direct, but that we’d been having suicidal thoughts. I think we were weighing out options and trying to disconnect from people like Rich and the boys. I don’t think we were real successful, because we got better rather than worse.
I remember Dr. Marvin saying something about it had been a pattern and that given a certain amount of anger that this happens to us. It didn’t startle us as if it were new, but it is still a very strange thing to go through. He says that this was the way we’d learned to control our anger. And, it was true, we were very angry at the beginning, but afterward we were calm. I think someone explained it like being under a nice warm blanket. The feelings after are very mellow and calm though still regressed. I think it must be similar to the difference of feelings after having had sex - though more so we find ourselves not being able to move our body parts. I remember now someone saying something about trying to get rid of our body. Nothing moves while this is happening. I think I remember something about scrunching down and hiding behind our hand, or maybe on top of it – I don’t remember exactly.
Dr. Marvin was patient as we were coming out of it … he tried to let us know what was happening.
Hmm. It’s about 10 minutes later now. I think we’re going to have to leave earlier today. There was a ice type storm last night and I think it’s going to take a while to get the ice off my car windows. We better get going – oh yeah and the last 10 minutes we were with sweetie snuggling in bed. We gave him a little bit of a backrub, but most of it was just feeling the warmness of our body wrapped up next to him. He’s such a good, good Rich!
posted by Ann Marie @ 12/19/2008 06:42:00 AM
Comments: 1
