Ayn's Multiple World

Ready to Hit the Road Again!

Good morning. This is me. We’re about up to 8:45 am. We’ve been up for almost a couple of hours, but Rich has been up all this time. For once he was up before us.

The both of us talked through the morning.

Whoops back again … It’s now 10:30 am. We’ve just finished watching Rich’s news show and then we picked up the house while he was sorting clothes. Feeling good and we’ve got the door open for the first time this year airing the place out - very refreshing. Rich is making good on his promise this week to clean off the kitchen table. He’s stacked up so much paper work there it just looks ready for a paper fire. It’s all his stuff so there’s not much I can do, but this week everything started to slip over to my side … and then THAT was no good!

Ahh good … Joe’s responding back we’re trying to set up a meeting time to be with him tonight along with Rich and Cari. Hmm, that’s funny Ann, Joe, Rich, & Cari … everyone with four letters or less … that’s kinda funny. Hmm, he’s left us waiting … I’m not sure if he isn’t in church though … better to wait. He just said Yes, dinner so we’ve got some time sometime around 4-6 pm I think and usually it’s out in his neighborhood. It should be real fun. I’m so glad that Rich is here for a small get together. I really like for them to all get to know each other and I’m looking forward to being with Cari some more. Good good!

Rich had said something about maybe having eggs for lunch so that will be a nice thing. He’s starting to ask what I’m going to want to eat this next week. I’m not really sure yet, but canned soup comes to mind. Maybe if he thaws out some of that ham in the freezer than that might be good for me too. It should give me some variety from the not so good stuff and I KNOW we have enough fudgsicles so we should pull through 

Ahh good then that is settled … I think he might have thought to eat it sooner, but that’s the kind of food that will keep good in the fridge and suit my patterns of eating just a little bit at a time. If I want variety I can mix it up with something.

Yesterday we had a real nice day. We went with Rich to his mother’s remember? The car ride we got a little frazzled, because Rich wouldn’t let us use the phone with our mother over the car speaker so then we didn’t want to talk to anyone, because there’d been some safety for us in having him hear so being able to discuss the conversation later. Beside there was no other optimal way of getting him or them to know each other? I still think that we should plan a trip up there this summer, but that’s a whole ‘nother sack of scribbles. I think we owe them a trip up north because we’ve never been over the several years it’s been since they’ve owned the new house and lived in Deer River.

Plus … for Rich he gets to do some fishing so he gets breathing space too. Maybe we could teach him how to play 500 like we used to with my ex. He’s card savvy and that would give us a thing to do beside always listening to them argue. Maybe it’s the same with all couples … Just it doesn’t make sense to argue between yourselves especially when out with company. Some people don’t seem aware of how their unhappiness with their partner shows or maybe they both feel it might turn out fairer to have someone else prove them to be right or wrong.

I heard it a lot when Bud got home about dinner time. I think we ate a late dinner about 7 pm. We didn’t rush her in the least though Rich started to push her after 6 when he’d finished working with the tackle and tackle boxes he’d brought with him.

I felt bad for her though if we were going to eat before 8 pm then it was probably a good decision.

She worked I thought very hard at getting dinner done. It had started when we’d gotten there at 3 pm. Well it had started for her about 3 hours before we got there with the peeling and cooking of the potatoes. She was hungry for potato pancakes and there’s no thought to her making them from a box. She needed to do just a little and then she’d sit down and talk and smoke, and then she’d do a little more … She seemed stronger this time than she had before at least she could walk down to her bedroom without assistance except from the wall railing. That was good to see.

We let her choose most of the conversations and we stayed very focused on them except sometimes when she turned around to cook on the stove and couldn’t hear us then we used that time to check in on Rich to see how he was doing. He looked very captivated. He was listening to the conversation throughout and would sometimes comment or ask if she needed any help in the kitchen, but for the most part it was the mother talking and me listening asking questions and Rich working on his tackle. She has a small kitchen with a chair in the middle and we sat in the dining room just opposite the small island and Rich sat at the head of the table. It was very cozy and intimate.

I never felt bored … I just love listening to the sound of her voice. I love the stories and her ability to talk about so many things. She’s more up to date with things then might be expected like she knew about Phelps smoking pot and the kind of news stories we’d hear on CNN. She said she listens to news on ABC in the afternoon and she listens to CBS in the evening. That would keep her up to pace.

It seemed she felt comfortable to talk to me and we were very receptive there was a little stickiness when Rich got up to check for maps on the computer and she wanted and then she wanted to go into stuff about the ex-wife. I told Rich about it during the car ride home and I worked not to encourage the conversation. I told her for the majority of the first half dozen years Rich had kept that part of his life private and it was only an accident of seeing her key chain once that I knew her name. Rich said he’d listened to the part on his wife, but he disengaged a few things by saying she had some wrong stories.

There were a lot of reflective stories and some up-to-date ones like about her health, and her feelings toward her husband, and even a good important conversation on depression. We told her we have a serious case of depression and she asked what we had to be sorry over … I told her it wasn’t situational but it was a chemical reaction in my brain that was balanced by medicine. She seemed to listen and keep it in consideration. It was just something that came up and passed. We told her that Rich had thought she could be depressed over her vision and hearing and the argumentation with Bud. I think that made some sense to her.

I think the conversation had come up because there was a little bit of her saying that she was ready to die and she’d lived out her life and she was through with it.

You know me … we can’t let something like that go unchecked. We didn’t encourage her directly to do anything psychological, but given time we’ll probably say something. It’s something that can come up slow and gradual … because it’s going to have to be her decision whether or not she should be getting help, and the fact I’m no diagnostician with the exception of my knowledge that older people have trouble with depression more than any other group. It’s nothing to be fooled with and reminds me of some of what we’d read when we took the Lifecycles class for our masters.

That’s the part I worry about the most with her. She also said something negative about her husband being rough with her physically. I told that to Rich too. He seems to think something is being blown out of proportion and it because the only thing he and I argued over. He’s very defensive thinking that Bud could hurt his mother I’m sure because that would change so much. He says he’s known Bud for a long time. I really love Bud, but I hear a lot of anger in his voice when dealing with his wife. I also learned that her first husband was abusive and there was something going on with others in her families past … It wouldn’t surprise me if someone being abused would continue in a relationship with someone else with those kind of tendencies.

I don’t want to think the worst of Bud, but my protection feelings are always going to go out with the woman (or anyone being abused) most likely because of my past and knowledge that you have to believe people when they’ve been abused. That’s how it stays as hidden as it does because abusers aren’t public – they hide and they make the victim feel as if it’s all their fault and that no-one would believe them. I don’t like how many arguments they are having … they argue over so many details.

It’s just very uncomfortable.

I said something I shouldn’t have toward the end. I didn’t start off thinking it through, but she showed me a picture of when her and Bud were younger. She wanted to show me how she’d looked when she was heavier. It was quite a difference and she’d definitely aged, but my comment had been and I’m afraid Bud heard too, but I said it looked like back then they were even friendly toward each other. I shouldn’t have said that and I bit my tongue afterward … It was just invasive and clumsy. I don’t want to be judgmental.

But it was very noticeable all the time Bud was gone that there was peace in the house. Rich didn’t comment a lot and when he did he was for the most part just adding to the conversation. We never argued while there and we did a lot of smiling and laughing. She has an excellent sense of humor. Without Bud there she didn’t get mad once, but once he returned about 4 hours later it started and it was non-stop. Because we’d had so many peaceful hours between us it makes me think that its more situational and she doesn’t have to be argumentative just they are bringing out the worst in each other.

Hmm, we’re back again … doesn’t seem to be getting far. We were with Rich for a bit doing some deep cleaning … we helped with some little stuff on the kitchen table.

He did really well though before we got there. And, then we felt so inspired, we cleaned up our small stash of stuff on the tall files that included current bills.

That was a good idea. We found the video stuff too. I thought we had DVDs we hadn’t watched. I think something electronic we got is supposed to copy over the DVD to the iPod … so that’s pretty cool … we’ll have to try that too, but we’ve been away from the writing all morning and want to be doing that. I think Rich is planning to vacuum the floor here in the living room, so we’ll want to get out of his way to do that. He’s going to be gone all next week, so we want the best we can get before he goes.

We’re leaving him alone now because he’s doing the litter box. He didn’t like the way we do it and we get overwhelmed with the way he does it. He cleans it much more, but he uses a carton under the box that absorbs stuff and has to be dealt with and that’s too much stuff we feel vulnerable too. So, we just be quiet and let him do the man stuff he feels is important. We’re all better off for it, but we still guilty that he’s doing it because it’s my kitties and he doesn’t love them so much and he said he was never going to do it. *Sigh*

Whoops again … a little while later … we took our shower and cleaned some more and we helped Rich with some clean clothes. We’re moving!! Plus Joe called and we agreed that we’d leave in an hour. Rich needed that much time for the next load of clothes and I needed to let our hair dry and feel like we weren’t rushing out of the house. I hope that it’s ok with Joe.

I feel happy not only because of all the cleaning and doing stuff with Rich, but we also found a picture of our two granddaughters that had been in a Christmas card we’d forgotten about. They are beauties! There’s a Christmas tree in the background and they are sitting in a nice dining room chair and Ame has a green sweatshirt and Isa has a red one. It’s very nice. They are so pretty!

*Sigh*

Well, I suppose we should get through some new Sunday thoughts. We haven’t had too many. We got over our grumpiness with Rich by bringing out the iPod and playing a game of Yahtzee with him. We played for his part, but we barely won. He had 209 points and we had 211. Pswhoo it was a squeaker. I think that’s something that’s good about me. Not that we get mad that part is bad, but that we can get over it so quickly. The last thing we wanted on Earth was to be cranky at him at his mothers - yeeks that would be terrible.

We talked to his mother about how calm he’s been his whole life. I could see everyone in the family being cranky at each other besides Rich … He’s like a natural caretaker and I think although he has to get his own point across that he doesn’t really like to argue. Hmm, we’ve been here already this morning haven’t we? I guess it’s just important to say that I hate to argue. I’ll say my peace, but I don’t want to go over it after I’ve had my say. It’s important whether the other person gets it or not that you always be remembering that the person on the other side is the one you love the dearest. No reason to be showing him or treating him to your ugly side. Yeeks!

I’ve got a good reputation with my grandchildren too. They’ve never seen my terrible side though they’ve seen me stick up for their dad’s side. They also know that I’m not a person they should beg and plea to. I just don’t do that stuff.

I’ll say something like Ame stop. Again I don’t want to repeat myself, but the girls are so close to perfection … *sigh* Just never has been a reason to be angry with them. Maybe though that’s just the nature of being a Grandma? Good to be looking at their faces. *Ahh*

Dr. Marvin said something last week. We must have said something self-depreciating, because he said that’s not true I very much enjoy your company. It was like WOW!

And, that’s not something that happens just because we’re paying you to talk to us?

He’s so silly sometimes!

Hmm, Rich seems to be downstairs for a while. I don’t know if he’s getting another load of clothes or whether or not he’s gathering his fishing worms. Hmm, maybe that’s him? No, false alarm. Kitties were sure glad to get to their kitty litter box again … they could hardly wait.

Rich and us are discussing about now the air conditioner down in the storage closet in the laundry room … It was from almost 10 years ago when we were at the other apartment. He’s thinking of throwing it away, but I remembered that it was a nice and smallish air conditioner and it would do very nicely in the bedroom. Rich’s point is that we have an air conditioner in the kitchen and in the living room, we don’t need any more. BUT, I know the bedroom doesn’t suck in cold air like Rich seems to think. I think we’re going to pull the card that if we don’t get an air conditioner there, I will sleep all summer in the living room. I like to snuggle up with him, but not as much when I’m warm and uncomfortable. I don’t have a very good heat regulator inside of me.

There we’re moving along … now Rich is in the shower and we helped to fold another load of clothes. AND, we’re dressed. It’s nothing too formal just a blue jean skirt and one of Rich’s new Christmas shirts. It has long sleeves and the sweatshirt just got washed for outerwear. We’ve still got the door open so it must not be TOO cold. Our clothes, sweatshirt and hair were pretty smoky from being at Rich’s mothers place. Yeeks! How did Rich ever tolerate us during all those years? I have to admit I had the thought of grabbing just one smoke, but I very much know that line that goes … one is never enough there would be more … think cigarettes must cost like about $7 a pack. Never again!

Ahh that was nice Rich is out of the shower so I just went in and checked out his inventory. All seems to be in order *Giggle*

We should be leaving in 10-15 minutes. I just love going to see the Joe! I’ll wait to put the iPod in my pocket until the very last moment … it’s still charging up. I should have done that before. I didn’t leave my phone on overnight either.

Sometimes WE’RE the silly one! I suppose then that we should about pack it up.

Maybe if I’m lucky we can get in on naked man dressing! WooHOO!

posted by Ann Marie @ 2/08/2009 01:19:00 PM Comments: 0