Ayn's Multiple World

This is the writing part after the gym :)

Good morning, just us. We’ve been up for quite a while, though there was a nap inbetween. We’re doing us kinda things. We made two videos already gotta think about getting them on line. The last hour of the second video is just movies of us listening to femme fatales songs. We’re not winded into them where we are singing or anything, but there was a general euphoric sense where there wasn’t anything really troubling us and the feelings were happy …. I couldn’t tell you if we were hearing much of the words, just in general being swayed by the sounds and perhaps lightly being in touch with our feminism … yes I think we could say this even with and maybe specially because of our unshaved legs hehehhe. Probably take us away from femme fatale, but we feel very much into our own right as a woman who has made it into her late 40’s still in some sense of self-enjoyment.

The video’s discuss somewhat the experiences of the gym last couple of days, being at Dr. M.’s on Thursday, a little of work and some of the staff appreciation day yesterday. And, as we said … last part on just listening to some good music. Women being empowered by their own abilities to produce. Pretty cool. All the time we’ve been holding our Chief. I think although he likes to claim control, I would like to think for this moment, it is me choosing to hold him, which would only boost his sense of over powering me. HAHAHA that kitty thinks he has me, but we’re just toying with him.

Listening to Stevie Nicks now … she has a stranger voice … this one “Every Day” kind of a flat buzz. Interesting. Trying to be more attune. I think we talked to Dr. M. about being more in time, but then we spent so much of that time far away and detached. We didn’t feel confident of him as if we were starting from scratch …. He was again at one of those positions where he was frustrated and claimed to have lost the session. To me it is more a marker point of where we were at. Through most of the long two weeks since seeing him we felt detached, but then my understanding was that we had sent him some stuff. I think he told us what it was, but we don’t remember it now. Thing is he doesn’t always feel real when he’s not connecting … like we are being very lonely from him. We’ve talked before of that sense that he doesn’t really care. I don’t know how much that overplays from the past.

If you are not mentally connected to someone Chief hears something. Hold on. Ok, maybe nothing … we’re letting him down to sit and stare at nothing toward what he had heard. Any way … if there isn’t any ground where we are connected working together with some sense of force, then there really may not be what is being hoped for in a connection. I have a sense of wanting to be connected to him more than anyone else. I think now more than with sons? More than our friend? I don’t know that’s pretty hard … I would like more time with our youngest son. Would like time with our oldest too, but I know that is more far fetched.

We were put in a situation of wondering what would happen if our youngest got put out of being at school. I believe the courses are paid for, but he’s having trouble with living expenses. Worse case scenario is that he could have to live here or with his father and have to do the transportation back and forth. That would be a severe blow because so much of his being there is dependent on the social life, the being able to walk down the hall and play out dungeons and dragons, or slip over to get something to eat. I think that one of the things that could happen is that he send home some of his things and bunk out with his friend next door. Maybe in a sense sleep over on weekdays, but come home on weekends so he’s not such a burdon to him. I would take him here and I’m sure his father would take him there. I would have to devise a way to commit to paying his gas and food while here. I would hope that he spread out as to having a social life. I’m not sure the deal his father would offer him or what he could do as to saving some of the space needs our son would have for storage of his items. I know our son IS going to be educated! Somehow he is going to get through this, though maybe not in as high a style as he has done. I’m not sure of his working status in that he afforded his place and meals over the summer by putting himself in a working position with the campus. Not sure if anything like that is an option.

I think the hardest part for us is giving up on some of the availability of our sweety pie. But, we’d do it in a flash if it would help out son #3. Cool, cool … just IM’d him … made sure he knew that plan that I would help him by providing room, something to be eating, and transportation money … and the reminder that a lot of people commute and he could do it to if he didn’t have an offer from his father, or another option in general. We both are strong in that he WILL graduate … he said in return “Yea gotya.” Can’t believe that he’d have to accept our offer, but it isn’t necessarily a bad offer either. We would make it somehow with him … Feel very good about that. It wouldn’t be the same for him or something he would choose first, but it would be ok … just different. And, you can be pretty damn sure, I would love the hell out of him while he was here. I haven’t heard anything different than he was going to try being a trooper after school was out so I’m guessing he’s planning on living at boot camp for like 6 months if they would take him. And, after that he’d have enough money to get his own place, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t get a place with his roommate for a bit. I know they get a long well, seem to handle each others friends. They’d do it to help each other out and keep each other company.

That’s a funny thought, I would take them both in if I knew it was what was necessary. Remember taking in our oldest son, our middle son, and our middle son’s friend. I don’t think they turned out so appreciative of what we were offering, but thing was I could be there for them when there weren’t too many other options. I’m thinking that our son would plan some nights staying over with others, so we’d have options to be with our friend, so that would be good. And, I think we could provide him a good atmosphere. We would naturally given him the extra bedroom. Actually, it’s an interesting thought, but beside needing closet space, we could offer him both back rooms, because truth be … we live out in our living room. He’d just have to help us out in not losing all the furniture. He would need the bed at least one … not sure how he’d keep the other bed from messing up his space. Or our dressers or treadmill. Thinking that he doesn’t have much … like he’s got a table top … he could place that on top of the collapsing desk we had gotten from his grandmother. I would hook up cable to the backroom(s). I could also see letting him paint back furniture so that it appear more male.

Yeeks. Ok, ok enough of that … its 10:35 … time to go to the gym. Better get out the door … need to move kitty … Chief had enough with us cuz we shooed him down, but then Missy came up instead … we have strong hands and wrists for typing with kitty laying on them. I wonder how sound they sleep by being so jostled. Hmm, thinking our son’s friend is pretty close to home or his family, but thinking they are driving him more bonkers now. Maybe that could be the extra bedroom deal … they could both hang out here on weekends or that would at least be an option. Would make all the difference though as to where they were keeping their computers. The deal that was hardest with our middle son here was in only being able to be on his computers or our computers. Pretty darn sure we’d arrange that both sets of computers would need to be going. Our youngest son has his laptop too, so that would be an option if his friend came home. Not sure though on the feeding part on top of transportation, suppose that would be the hardest, but we’d beg for mercy with our friend just to get through the next three months. We could do it if we had too … sure would love it … sigh. Problem would be that I would want my son to be able to hang with his friends … just have to plan sleep overs where he’d stay on campus some times.

Ok, ok .. Enough of that. Time to get moving lets do this.

WoooHOOO we’re back. It was another good experience. We realized we needed gas so stopped by that, but basically on the road at 11. It took 15 minutes to get there. Then we worked for 45 minutes. Got stuck on the wrong road coming home. So that took almost 40 minutes. And, then after getting home … we ate our oats, then promptly fell asleep at the computer til now … Geeeeese. I guess we wore ourselves out! Good, good!

We did about the same stuff as we did yesterday We got on the bike first and did 6 minutes. Then we did the treadmill for 4 minutes with a 30 second slowdown. Then we did 12 reps of the strength machines. We counted them this time. There are 15 of them. Couldn’t tell you what each of them do and I’m confused by two of them. Should probably ask tomorrow. And, then we went back to the bike and we squeeked out 7 minutes. That was pretty tough by that time … needed to rest a few moments before walking out the door. We wanted to see if we could push it a little. Couldn’t really do it on the treadmill because of the back, but the bike doesn’t hurt the back. We got an extra 3 minutes out of it today than yesterday. That was good, but we had a slurpee on the way home I’m not sure if that was such a good idea … just rolling up to BK was dangerous, so tomorrow we are making sure to bring a dollar for water … no drinking faucets in the place … They got two pop-like dispensers for the bottles and on both every push button is selling water … the same kind. Guess they are sending a message.

V. is being busy right now, but he got our surprise. We sent him some soup in soup mugs. It was a small deal, but I figured that V. would have to accept soup, cuz he was kinda sick going through surgery. He had artery disease. He hasn’t said too much about it. I think it was probably scary. I think he said something about seeing his heart, but I’d just as soon not look at mine. I think V. was very brave. He didn’t say if he could feel them threading the camera through the artery. I would think it would affect one like some kind of blockage, but I don’t know much about it. V’s like … eh … it was nothing. Right! Ok, then be stubborn and Don’t talk about it … hmpf!

Sweetie Pie called last night. He sounded like he was doing ok, but he’s worrying about catching fish that are big enough to put him back in first. I think he is officially in second today, but he says he’s pretty much far away from the first place guy in points. We tried to relate that we’d love him no matter what size his fishy were. He’s doing a fine balancing act in that his daughter was home so he was going back and forth to be with his friends, fish, AND see his daughter. Hmm. That be too much for me. I think it would take a lot to make me high energy like him. But, I’m sure his daughter appreciates the gesture. It means an extra 6-7 hours of driving rather than sitting around and relaxing with the guys. I’m pretty proud of him. One might think he should have given up the fishing altogether, but that wouldn’t be fair to him either, because he’d worked all summer to be as high in the standings as he could. This is the final opportunity before the final championship weekend. So … like we said … we’re proud of him.

We spent some time in IM’s with our youngest son yesterday too. We’ve been trying to help him with a student loan. But, we fell through on our part through the week, because we couldn’t remember to do it when SS was open … Finally, Friday became the day. They don’t answer their phone over there, so we got in the car and found the place. The wait could have been worse, but we were put in the fast line and only waited about 45 minutes. The lady was rude and ignorant. She made a statement that SS doesn’t accept credit cards for payments and then she said she wasn’t going to give me an all clear letter, just the one saying that I was $50 behind in my payments … so we said FINE! When we got out to the car we saw that the bill had a place for putting down you credit card information, but I felt in no mood to educate the inefficient broad. We headed over to the currency exchange we remember seeing in our city. I don’t usually leave them, but I thought they could help. That lady was tolerable and she at least knew her job. We used the cash machine to withdraw enough to pay the bill; she wrote out a money order and gave us a stamped envelope to pay-off social security. I was relieved to know we were only behind one payment. I figured that since the statement had said something about our $50 agreement that proof that we paid it … then she faxed a copy of the stuff to the loan place and our son’s collage so they gave him some more time … though only to Wednesday.

Tired of having a bad mood. V. couldn’t talk to us … then he all of a sudden started and he didn’t ask what we were doing … and he did the same as before … broke the rules of engagement … where you say something then the other does and back and forth. If one party has to wait for the other you know you have someone with divided attention … I don’t want to share my space like that. I get very irritated when people leave the conversation dangling. So he told him we were sulking … now it feels like sizzling. But, it doesn’t matter he already broke off engagement. HMPF!

That’s it for the woman’s radio channel. They played the same stupid song I didn’t like a little bit ago AGAIN! I don’t care for that kind of limited looping …. So, we turned back on our John Denver. We closed V’s Im. Need to stop getting so upset. I’ll go back to that place where we are just us and we’re alone and withdrawn and don’t need anyone except the gym person who is going to tell me about those two machines. I still don’t know how to use them. And, we’ll want to go back to them tomorrow.

We were a little frumpy too in that we didn’t get our DVDs before we left work early on Friday. That means not having them Friday, Saturday, Sunday, AND Monday! HMPF! In this kind of mood we know there’s no way we are going to work. We want to play around some … like right now just writing. Well, no … it’s not like I have anything to say. We are just being us. If you want to come along for the ride … than that’s your decision and we’re ok with that. Just don’t bring in muddy shoes. K?

I think we are going to get some more vegetables … Hmm, celery or cauliflower? Celery. We said good-bye to V. He said he hopes we feel better … us too. No fun feeling crabby.

He’ll probably be gone for the rest of the day. *sigh*

Ok, so its official … just you and us. And, that last celery stick. Well there’s more, but we just brought out 3.

Wooo Hoooo we started to sing … that’s better that’s what we’re talking about! Feeling good!

We were worrying about our feeling bad lately and we worried about a couple of other things too. We’re worrying for one about not getting our period. Can’t tell you the last time we had it … seems like 3-4 months ago. Not too sure. We forgot to look into the medical stuff … shoot. Remember dentist Monday, October 23, 2:30 pm. Hypnotist, November 2, 7 pm. We can do this … now we got to get some papers from work and see if we can still schedule to do the sleep apnea thing and if we can get the cholesterol tested. Maybe Dr. M. can help us reschedule if we need an updated form. THEN, I will make another doctor appointment … don’t remember how long ago, but we’re thinking we’re going to need getting one of those women tests. They always ask and we always say no. Don’t feel like letting my female stuff be looked at. Should get another diabetes tester too. Shoot … too much stuff.

That’s enough of that. We’ll start thinking of it. I think we eat to hurt ourselves when we are angry. You know we’re like 300 pounds, so that probably is a lot of ummmm “frustration.” That’s ok, we’re doing the right stuff, right? Hmm, forgot to call yesterday … the owner of the W3 isn’t working this weekend … she won’t be in until Monday. We won’t be able to find out whether she can get us the diet code we need. We need to also remember to ask someone to measure us tomorrow … we forgot that although we saw the trainer there. Ok, and we’re just going to say it seemed like he was wasting time … just leisurely talking to a woman on the tread mill in front of us. I think there is just one male in the program I am at. I sure hope he isn’t going to be a messed up person hittin on pretty girls. I noticed the other workers hanging out at the desk casually talking more to each other than going out to the women working. But, I only have a sense of it … didn’t stop to pay attention while we were there. And, we have to take into consideration that we’re still just coming out of a bad place … so nose is most likely out of joint. HMPF! It’s better to focus on the times we saw them busily going from one thing to another. Have an impression of a couple of them near the machines we were working on.

Hmm, think we are being fixated. Hmm, we were going to do something with the diet part of it … Where’d I leave that book I was going to read … hold on.

Shoot … must be at work. Plan B. WOOOHOOO Bonanza! Look what I just found … Damn government is on the right track. Lotsa the good stuff. Damm .. government has good stuff but too many broken links … it teased me with this outline, then left me hanging out to dry … this is the table of contents for “The pocket Guide to good health for adults”
Contents
Introduction—What's in This Guide1.Your Doctors and Nurses—What To Ask Them and What To Tell Them Ask Tell Followup2. Staying Healthy—How To Take Charge of Your Health Choosing a Healthy Lifestyle Reducing Your Risk for Heart Disease Watching Your Weight Eating Right Keeping Active Preventing Skin Cancer Preventing Injury Taking Medicines Correctly Making Smart Choices About Sexual and Reproductive Health Sexually Transmitted Diseases Planning Your Family Especially for Women Overcoming Depression Getting Help for Smoking and Alcohol or Drug Abuse Smoking Alcohol or Drug Abuse3. Checkups, Tests, and Shots—Which Ones You Need and When To Get Them Dental, Hearing, and Vision Care Teeth and Gums Hearing Vision Tests To Find Diseases or Conditions Early High Blood Pressure High Cholesterol Diabetes Osteoporosis Tuberculosis Tests and Exams To Find Cancers Colorectal Cancer Breast Cancer Cervical Cancer Prostate Cancer Oral Cancer Shots To Prevent Diseases Measles-mumps-rubella Shot Tetanus-diphtheria Shot Flu Shots Pneumonia Shot Hepatitis B Shots4. More Resources for Good Health—Where To Get More Information5. Prevention Charts—How To Keep Track of Your Health Care Basic Information Checkups and Tests Record Cancer Tests Tracker Shots Chart Medicine Minder
Ok, ok … done with all that. I feel better. I even found one on medical symptoms. I don’t think I have any that I wasn’t aware of … actually I felt pretty good in that I really didn’t have

AHA this is about 5:30 now and we’re talking to Deb … This is a check in point!

Deb’s so cool!

posted by Ann Marie @ 10/07/2006 05:32:00 PM Comments: 1