Kinda a Choppy Day ...
Sorry … had to do that … it was just in me! Ok, ok … shhhhh. Umm, good morning hehehhe
See, we’re ok now J
Hmm, some day my granddaughter is going to read this and she’s going to think … hmm, my Grandma sure was strange! But, I kinda like her J WE LOVE YOU!!!
We’re umm back … but, it is a couple of hours later. Our minds have been wandering. Pretty much through the pictures … both with the book and the Images of Dr. M’s place. This is us about now.
I think the reason we go through the pictures so much is that we imagine ourselves looking at them with other people. And, that gives us a chance to feel a sense of them. The other day, I went through it and our minds with our ex-husband. But, I asked V and he said not to give it to him. I had thought maybe we could give him a copy. We couldn’t explain why it felt important to us. We go through the images of sharing things with our boys and their kids a lot. Like with our grandson who we have not seen for about 5 years now … we imagine that he is older and his mother has let go of some control and that he is going to have a chance of meeting us. I want him to know I thought of him all those years in between. It’s the same with Tanner and his girl. They’ve been together now a couple of years, but Tanner hasn’t introduced her to me. We imagine giving the book to Tanner and that she reads it … and somehow decides to like me. That’s very important to us. I’m not thinking Macadam’s girl likes me so much. And, that thought kind of hurts. If we said that to her, we’re thinking she would say, “Of course I like you.” But, it would be defensive. And, we would know that although she’s polite to us and never said anything directly to face that was mean, that she usually only answers questions we think to ask her and she’s never gone out of her way to get to know us more than surface. Like we don’t talk casually about anything like talking over the phone. I suppose that is sort of a silly expectation. When we were young, we had made Mrs. G. a part of our life, until about the time that Tanner was born. She made it known to us that we were taking up too much of her time. So, we stopped going over there unless specifically invited. She complained that she had to go through so much extra noise and confusion with the boys and me. To be honest, we’d drop by a couple of times a week. That was too much though.
It was hard on us though. The only one I knew in Chicago was my husband and his family. I was shy at that. We were living in a poor black/immigrant neighborhood … apartments, so there wasn’t any way of knowing anyone. They on the other hand had a very large home with six bedrooms, living room, den, study, etc. I worked for a few months, but at temporary agencies, just trying to bring in a few and then several months later Macadam was born and I just stayed at home with him. I loved him, and then later his brothers to pieces. My life was involved in primarily the things that interested them. I thought that was what a mother should do. That and help my husband take care of his painting business. I idolized him, but I know even back then we were moody. He said, he didn’t know who he would meet when he returned home from work. He started staying out more and more at his families without us and the boys and staying late at night with his customers talking and talking about whatever. He had a philosophical point of view. I remember by the time Jacob was born that one of his employees, who knew the family very well, said that if I needed help getting to the hospital to deliver Jacob … because my husband wasn’t coming home often at night and had been drinking a lot, that I was to call him. He later left the business to become a policeman. I thought that was about the nicest thing anyone could ever do for me. Right from the start, I knew the G’s would protect the interests of their son no matter what.
I realize at this point, we’re pretty protective of the boys as well, but I am adamant about not interfering in their lives like Mrs. And Mr. G. did. I refuse to have a conversation even when the other comes up to be negative. We’re very supportive of the boys doing all within their power to make the most out of their chosen loves. Just sometimes it hurts to be left so far out of their life. *Sigh* It’s better now though than it has been. So, we’re going to let this go too. One day they will find me. And, I will be building myself up as a person they would want to get to know at all times.
Yup, yup … we’re pretty sure of that. Still want to get to each them the book. Maybe I could call up Tanner and ask him if he minded that I send it … and, maybe ask directly for his address. I would love his email, but I’m not sure if that would be too much. Hmm, should I call now?
Ok, *sigh* Pretty good … we left a message on his phone machine … probably a pretty good bet that he’s working now and can’t be disturbed. But, we left it up to him to contact us. Hmm, reminds us we should get the number for our voice mail.
Ok, ok … that was a long something something. Tried to check-out the phone system … didn’t get too far. We couldn’t find the instructions. We were able to find out getting messages was as simple as calling our home phone wooo hooo!!! Turns out my mother had called in April, but we didn’t get that message … Maybe I should take care of that now. I’ve talked to her in-between, but its been about a month now and I want to make sure she knows about my grandmother.
Ok, ok … did that … what else … If I were on top of things, I would take care of clothes and post office today, but unfortunately, we’re not there yet and we’re losing time. I’m thinking though that both would be better off done today, rather than tomorrow. Maybe if I give ourselves a time limit. Hmm. Shoot. When is the laundry open again?
Pshwoo … just pulled together dirty clothes in case we go to the cleaners soon. And, because all my clothes were dirty … We had to try out one of the new dresses
This is as much as you get to see though, because we’ve decided it makes us look fat … well that and being about 150 pounds overweight. That will make you look chunky too. It’ll be ok … we’re going to handle it … breath. See this is what happens when thinking about going out. I think the laundry is closed from 2-4, but open before and after.
AHA! Changed again now its 9-3 and 6-8. Got some time then … Be nice to have the chores done.
Ok,
Ashley’s Wash and Dry – 9016 47th St. Brookfield, IL
Jewel-Osco – 5545 S. Brainard Ave., Countryside, IL
Post Office – 3731 Prairie Avenue, Brookfield, IL
Woooo HOOOOO!!! Back!
We're doing good. Finished off the errands ... stopped at bank for traveling money, dropped off laundry at cleaners, mailed some stuff at post office, and filled up gas for trip. Yooo HOOO. The big deal was trying out the GPS. She works like a beauty ... It's so cool. She tells me out loud when we get within 2000 feet or shorter, so I can be in the right lane for a turn, then again within 300 feet she reminds me to turn, then when I'm at the turn ... she makes a pleasant beep sound. Hehehhee when I go past the turn without turning proper ... she calmly tells me to make a U-turn. The PDA is hooked to a holder devise off the window so I can see the screen. It shows the street I'm on with arrows and shows the streets and names of streets as I come up to them. She always lets me know which direction is North, she has the name of the street I'm on at the bottom of the screen and the name I'm next going to on the top of the screen. AND she has a running meter saying how many miles or feet to destination. Wow ...
Ahhh … my happy Grandma smile … It’s sort of gotten on with the day to get us to this point. It’s 7:30 pm … We were so happy that my Grandmother was feeling more herself today. We had a lot of catchin up to do. We talked about lot’s of stuff. She was feeling kind of frustrated and I think I was frustrated to with my mother. I had called her thinking that she should have set up a doctor’s appointment by now and let my Grandmother know when she was coming. My Grandmother says she’s doesn’t even always call until she gets here, then my Grandma’s scrambling to get things taken care of. We talked a little too about the situation of having to ask for things. My Grandmother is a pretty proud woman … She wouldn’t ask for help unless it was an emergency. But, that doesn’t mean people shouldn’t volunteer to help her out.
It was a little awkward to because in talking to my mother her story was pretty much different than my Grandmother. In my mother’s version she’s at my Grandmother’s place faithfully every other week, but my Grandmother says it’s sometimes 3-4 weeks between visits. Or, that my Grandmother said that her son helped out and did all the cooking on his own for her birthday. My mother’s version was that she had done it all. My Grandmother too is still angry, I think, because my mother moved my Grandmother from where everything was familiar with her friends and church and such out from the city to the suburbs, and then my mother up and moved 3 ½ hours North. I figure that has to have hurt a lot. She also said that they were sneaky about it and didn’t tell her anything until things were already done. I would have figured as much. Pretty much knew it when I first called.
posted by Ann Marie @ 6/10/2006 04:04:00 AM
Comments: 3
